Communication

I wish you would realize that I'm not shunning you. I simply am busy quite often and I just don't get online to talk to people often. I have only Skyped with you and you. You two are the ones that think I don't respect you enough. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.

Why I was mad

When you insult me at dinner, tell me I am a terrible person and then get everyone else at the table to agree, I will get upset. I don't care if it came off as joking, I know that deep down it was real. You were listing off stuff that I know has actually hurt you in the past. Then you go and child me afterwards and tell me to basically get over myself. No, that will not help. THEN you come upstairs and demand that we have a meeting, and I am as pissed as hell off at you and you just didn't get it. I was so close to tears at that point. As a matter of fact, the instant you left to get the binder I did cry a little. I just wanted it to be done. Then I tried to be nice while the meeting was going on and understand what you were trying to tell me, but you'd just yell at me everytime I'd ask a question. THAT was why I was upset that night. Not just because I had a "headache".

A place of my own

I really wish I had a place of my own. Now I have no place at your house, no place at your house, and no place where I live. I wish you all wanted me around more than this.

Friends

I wish my friends wouldn't get mad at me all the time for not hanging out with them. I have a busy life. It is nothing against you guys personally.

Observant

Sometimes I forget that I'm over observant all of the time, it takes moments like that with you to realize it all over again.

Mac Wiz

You are so incredibly funny and amazing. I have a feeling you will become one of my best friends. I love your genuine character.

Body Image

My body image has been declining by a lot in the last couple of weeks and I don't really know why.  I'm betting that it's mostly because I feel like a bad person for not going to the gym or eating healthy. I really do hope that I will start going again soon.

Maybe that feeling also has to relate to the fact that I feel that a lot of people don't like me right now. They don't dislike me either, but they at least used to like having me around.

Life

I truly live a blessed life and it's moments like these that make me realize how good I have it. I have a trust fund for college. I have a wonderful loving family. If I every truly want something, I have the means to get it myself. If I want something so incredibly bad my family will help me figure it out, and because they aren't all that financially troubled, it becomes a good possibility that I'll get it.

Thinking on that though I realize that I'm not that spoiled of a child. I work hard for what I get. I also definitely do not have the latest gadgets. I don't have a smart phone like the rest of my friends. I don't have any "touch" product. The only ipod I have is several years old. It really seems like the one thing I splurge on is clothing, and right now I don't even have enough means to justify that.

I understand that I do spend a lot of money overall, but the majority of the money I spend are for very good reasons. For college, for educational trips, for supplies for school, and for clothing.

I guess I'm in a rambling mood tonight...

Movie Premier

I really do hope you can get me into the advance screening :)

Wedding

Another wedding coming up. This one is long overdue though. I'm happy for you two, so very much so.

Games

I really do miss my family...

Warmth

When I try and fall asleep on nights when I'm most stressed I think of you. It actually helps me fall asleep, I just wished you smelled better...

Hunger Games

These books are incredible, but they are also so incredibly sad.

Music

When I have my headphones on, that does NOT mean you should play your music through your speakers. It is common courtesy to wear headphones as well.

Sorry

Please DO NOT say sorry when you don't actually mean it! I hate it when you "tease" me when I'm actually very upset about something. You've done this twice now in the last week and it's really frustrating. I'm sorry that what I want is different than what you want, but just because you think something that I really want is stupid, there is no reason for you to "tease" me.

Universal Studios, Orlando, Florida

I want to go with you so bad. I hope that it works out, especially since the round trip tickets are $200 right now.

Money

I'm using it up too fast... I really hope I make a good amount over winter break.

Board Games

I just get bored of the board games too easily recently. I want to discover some new ones or start playing some old ones again that I haven't played in a long time.

Vibrating Phone

I needed you to wake me up in the morning, and now you are brokeded. Now I must wake up extra early for the next week until my vibrating alarm clock shows up. Oh the torture! AND I have two tests this week *grumpy face*

Differential Equations

This is such a love hate relationship. I wish you were teaching this class, but the current professor I have is ok as well. I love working on the problems while I listen to Harry Potter. I don't know why it's soothing, but it is. Maybe it's because of all the algebra?

100th Post

I may not post as much as you or as frequent as you, but I'm still going to celebrate reaching 100 posts :)

No Homework

For once, I wish I had some...

Not Amused

Sexual jokes when I'm just this tired and frustrated are not a good idea.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

I love listening to this on audio book whilst I study. It's quite nice. No one here appreciates it like I do, but I think you would join in with me and my nerdiness.

Blah

My brain is numb. I has a headache, I'm tired, and I'm frustrated, but I don't wanna go to bed yet. Why do I do this to myself. I want to cuddle you. I want to play with you. I want to talk to you.

Reading

I am determined to finish this book but at the same time I'm listening to that book. I also really wanna read THAT book. Oh my mind is confuzzled.

Shelby

I'll miss you, but I think I'll miss you most for mommy's sake.

Stress

Sometimes it is overwhelming. I want this homework to do itself! It's sad that I think that too considering I get so little...

Viking

You make me smile.

Reconnecting

I've decided to post again. I feel I can be public with my posts, but I'm still a little hesitant. I probably won't write everything in here anymore, but I will write some.

Dependency

I dislike when friends get upset because I am unable to text them back or forget about it. I'm sorry, but I don't cater to my phone all the time. I have issues remembering to text some people because I get busy. I don't text people when I'm with my boyfriend and I don't text people in class either. I especially don't text people when I'm sleeping. That cuts out a lot of time in my day.

Big Hands

I love your hands so much. They are just so warm and large and perfect.

Boyfriend

I kind of feel like I'm going through them fast. I hope I'm not turning into a girl that's dependent on them. I just really love cuddling...

Arguments

When someone starts a statement with "After I say this I'm done with this argument" I tune it out. If you have no want to continue to argue then I have no want to hear you. Especially since you say I was disrespectful towards you for not telling you when I was coming home. 1) I had no clue that you were waiting for me. 2) I'm 20 years old, my mother never in my life even got that worried for me.

Do not tell me that I'm disrespecting you by requiring you to stay up for me. I am 20. I can take care of myself. I also know way more about this guy than you do.

Wondering

I miss so many people, but I wonder if they miss me. I wish I could see you, and you, and you right now, but I know that is impossible.

Missing you

I wish you were here, you made things better.

Guilty

Though I may feel guilty talking to you, you are the only one recently that has been able to cheer me up. Everyone else just makes me more upset.

Grah!

If we're in the middle of a fight and you say "this is the wrong time to have this conversation, lets talk about it later" that's just gunna piss me off more. It gets even worse when I say "ok nevermind" and you respond "not nevermind, postponed" because I know that it isn't postponed. We have no other opportunity to talk about this before Saturday. Therefore because it just wasn't the right time for you, it must be a "nevermind". You just logging out after saying a stupid comment just made it all the worse for you. I am so fucking pissed at you, you don't even know. I am quite sure the relationship will end VERY soon.

News Flash

Just because someone doesn't wear make up, doesn't mean that they aren't pretty. Going away to college has most definitely changed me, and coming back I find I want to spend less and less time with you. You are so incredibly judgmental about how people look and act that I find it hard to deal with. On top of that you gossip all the time and it never really makes me feel better. I saw you with your other friend last week, and when we were in walmart you kept talking about how she's gunna let you teach her to be "pretty". I almost shouted at you I was so pissed. That girl is already pretty. You once said that you thought I was more like the other girl, but I see more similarities between me and the "un-pretty" one. I honestly felt bad for her. If she has had the confidence not to wear make-up until now, then she has pretty good self confidence. Constantly talking to someone who is as judgmental as you can change that though. I discovered that for myself. Thankfully, my time apart from you has changed that.

Don't get me wrong, I still love you and think you're a good person, but I do believe you have a bit of growing up to do. I also don't completely blame you for your way of thinking, I know that's how your mother raised you to be. I just hope you realize someday how you act and make other's feel. I think that if you realized that then you'd be happier with yourself as well.

Bad Times

The break up may come sooner than expected. You are driving me nuts and pissing me off all the time. I don't know how much more I can deal with.

Something about Today (or rather yesterday now)

Why is everyone getting upset? Why is everyone having such a bad day? I want to make everyone feel better, but how can I help others if I can't even help myself. Or how can I help others if they won't let me in?

School

It's fast approaching. Somedays I look forwards to it and other's I dread it.

Zoo

I would be very much pleased if you would join me and my family for a trip to the zoo. How does wednesday feel?

Arguments

I hate arguments. I always end up in tears and then the day is ruined.

Sleep

PLEASE LEARN TO LET ME SLEEP! I work late and get home late. Waking me up at 6 for car keys or 8 because I accidentally left died one strip of the dryer green from tie die is not a super pressing matter. If you don't want me to be upset, don't make me get less than 6 hours of sleep. Especially if it's for a chore that you could do in 30 seconds. Instead you wake me up, make me drive all the way out to Maple Valley, and then stay there all day doing laundry to "make up for lost time.

Upset

I really wish I could help you, but I just don't know how.

Bonsai and Shnuggles

I love them so much. I honestly can't believe how much I love them. I love Bonsai a teensy bit more because of how adorable he is though. I'm so glad you gave them to me. :)

Toilet Paper

Will you two PLEASE STOP PUTTING IT ON THE WIDOW SILL!!! I cannot reach the window sill while sitting down and I need the toilet paper more than you two do. I know you love to use it to masturbate, but please, give place it where I can reach it when you're done!

Planner

I know I told you I wanted you to decorate a planner for me, but I've changed my mind. Instead I would like you to help me create my own recipe book, filled with recipies I like to make. And decorate THAT for me :) Can do?

69

I just noticed I have 69 posts. This post is for you. You have corrupted my mind. Actually a lot of people have corrupted my mind... BTW, this is post 70, so don't feel too special.

Harry Potter

I've realized something in the last couple of days. I may have gotten the special of seeing the majority of the Harry Potter films before they came out, but I never once got to see a premier with some close friends. I wish I would have gotten that chance.

Facebook

Why is it that every time I log on for 5 minutes I get besieged by people talking to me? Sometimes I avoid facebook so that I can avoid the chaos of not being able to balance so many conversations at once. I feel bad having a half conversation with so many people.

Novice

Oh I just love teasing you sometimes. And I enjoy when you have to ask me questions about sexual stuff. It makes me feel so accomplished to be able to teach you about them.

Crying

I hate that I cry to easily. I'm sorry that it worries you sometimes.

Facebook Chat

You have won, my facebook chat has finally changed to yours.

Lovers

I'm excited to go with you tomorrow. I'm more excited to use what we intend to buy.

I am also sorry that you do not get to participate in this shopping adventure. Maybe at somepoint in the future it shall occur.

Stained Shirts

It really bugs me that all of my work shirts are stained. I think you should work your magic and make them clean again!

Long Distance

As the deadline looms closer I get more and more afraid.

Working

I have been so busy working recently, but it has actually started to become a lot of fun. I don't really look forward to work, but once I get there, I'm glad to be there. Plus, the paychecks I get every other Friday make it more than worthwhile. I know I'm going to miss working during the school year. I know I'm going to miss the paychecks even more though.

Updated

There, I've given an update. Are you happy?

Alcohol

I like it, but apparently life doesn't like me to have it.

Birthday

I feel guilty for not being able to see or talk to you today. I hope you had an amazing time. I also hope you now agree that I am 20.

alcohol

I'm still waiting for that good experience..

Friend

I want to be your friend. I want to talk to you. It kind of hurts me not to talk to you, but I know it would hurt others more if I did talk to you. Guess I'll settle for waiting.

A day of Reading

I want to take one day entirely for myself. I want to cut off communication to the world and just read. I wish I could make this happen, but at the same time I care about everyone else too much to let it happen. It's just a wish I shall have to continue wishing for.

Tutu

I knew you'd love it.

Long Distance

I'm constantly afraid of those two words. Sometimes I tell myself "Don't worry, it might not reach that point," or "Don't worry, he likes road trips," but I can't stop worrying. The only reason my last relationship ended was because of long distance. I don't want my heart broken again.

Cheating

It's surreal to me. I can't believe I did that. It's not something I would ever have considered doing had I been sober. What I dislike even more though is the fact that the guy I met seemed genuinely nice. I want to continue talking to him, but I can't if I want to keep you. I want to keep you for as long as I possibly can.

Blogging

Sometimes I feel guilty for not posting. I know that some people rely on these blog posts to see how I'm doing, but when life gets busy and I get super happy, I just forget to post. Life has been pretty good recently, aside from a few hiccups. I miss a lot of people though. Sometimes I wish I had so much more time in a day.

Sleep Over

I miss you. I wish you were here again. My bed is messed up and we have a movie to finish. Plus, thanks to you I have cookies, frosting, ice cream, and spaghetti with meat sauce that needs to be eaten. Come find me please.

Cuddling

You have fed my addiction... Oh goodness how I've missed cuddling. You are so warm. I love it. I want right now to be Monday. I wanna cuddle you again.

Busy Schedule

I have missed so many of you. I would like to hang out with so many people, but I'm just so busy all the time. Plus I'd like to have time for myself on occasion. So much chaos. It was fun skyping with you last night, I truly miss you. I miss lots of yous' actually...

Harry Potter

I am searching for people to come see this movie with me. I never realized how devoid of Harry Potter freak friends my life has been recently. Or how busy my friends are... I know you can come, but I want to bring another person too. I also want that other person to be a Harry Potter freak like us.

Kids Meals

Just like how you have started copying me, so has two other people at work. I'm starting a trend and I love it :D :D :D

Tutu

Oh goodness you've made me happy. I am so excited for this. So incredibly excited!

Qdoba

Though I enjoy the fact that I have a job, and a job that is not minimum wage at that, it's really putting a cramp in my side. First there's all the drama with my friends there and the fact that they might be fired. Then there's the increase in hours (which I'm actually pleased for, but it makes life exhausting). In addition to that I got called in today because they are going to be super busy. Today was going to be the last day I could spend with you for pretty much the whole summer. I'm going to miss you a whole lot. Then there was also the fact that I was going to see a movie with you. I was so excited for that and now I can't do it, grrr. SO many frustrations!!!!

42

This post is number 43, but I saw that I had 42 others and I couldn't help but think of you. I like hanging with you.

Mister

You, mister, are an amazing person. I really wish you did not have so much crap going on in your life. I'm glad that you almost have a job though, and that the person you care about dearly is coming down next week to cheer you up. I hope things start getting better for you soon.

How to Train Your Dragon

I want to watch this with you so bad. Not because I think you need to see it, but because it means I get to cuddle. You make me happy.

Closing

Closing for work tonight was fun. I'm glad to have met you through you. You are kind and entertaining. I also enjoyed closing with you, even if I did go a little slow for your hopes. I hope I get to close with the both of you again.

Awkward Moments

It was fun meeting you today, even if it was awkward at first. I do believe that by the end of the three hours we had finally settled in. I warned you I get funny when hyper...

Texting

I don't remember the last time I texted someone this much. I honestly don't think I have ever done so. I have to charge my phone every night and empty out my inbox twice a day. I love it. You make me feel special.

Weightwatchers

I have been doing so bad with this in the last week. It seems like, if I have fun I must have junk food. It's when I'm being serious and being busy with work that I eat well. I don't really know why. Perhaps it's because when I work I simply don't have the time to eat well. Then again, it is my birthday week so I've been letting myself eat worse than I normally would. I've come to realize though that I do tend to eat healthier than the people around me. Why is it that I'm larger than them then? I dislike how I look no matter how much you say I look hot.

laughter

I've missed hanging out with you two so much. It was so nice seeing you last night, even if I did get little sleep. Every time we get together we talk non-stop. I believe that this is a sign that we don't get together enough. Maybe I'll see you more now that I work at Qdoba. You two are like sisters to me.

Work

I'm sorry I didn't take your shift today. My main reason was not that it was because of my birthday, it was because of my feet. I worked 9 hours yesterday and 7 more tomorrow. I thought my feet would die if I took your shift tonight for another 7 hours, as much as I would like the money. I was so tempted to take the shift though because it would be good for me to learn to cook and it might make them give me more hours.

Tuesday

I'm so excited and nervous to meet you in person. You've made me happier than I've been in a long time. You make me laugh so much and I absolutely love it. I hope I don't disappoint you.

Mizu

For my birthday you decided to take me to a super fancy restaurant named Mizu's where they cook your food for you right in front of you. The food was very good, but what you don't realize is that that was probably the worst restaurant to take me to if you wanted me to be happy. That was his favorite restaurant and he always talked about how he wanted me to go there someday with him. I have been doing so well about forgetting about him, but I can't just let go of a connection like that.

Awkweird Silences

It is very true that it means we're comfortable with each other when awkweird silences can occur.

Cuteness

You are super sweet. You make me feel special.

Diablo 2

I'm so glad you got this game. It is so much fun to play with you even if you are a twerp sometimes :P.

Offline

You are not online. This has not happened before. You are always online. I am wishful of speaking to you right now, but you are poof. This is very disconcerting.

3am Walks

I keep thinking about those walks and I really miss you. I wish we could have had at least one good three am walk last semester, oh well, maybe the next one will be.

Gosssip

I talked about this with you the other day. I simply don't like gossip the way I used to. Most of the time when I'm upset about something I've learned not to talk about it and keep it to myself. I try not to tell every other person around me what someone else did wrong, because I know that eventually I may regret that. I don't want to tarnish someone else's reputation simply for one harsh or hasty act. I've started to realize that I don't like talking to other people who are gossips. I simply hate the feeling I get being around them now. I've also noticed the connection to the idea that those people that gossip the most are the ones that judge the most. I don't want to be gossiped about and I don't want to be judged.

eHarmony

I am secretly quite glad that you convinced me to do this site with you. It's fun being able to talk to so many single guys and knowing that they're talking to you because they're interested in you. It gives a kick of confidence.

Family BBQ

I had another family BBQ and the same place as last year. You were with me that time and everyone commented on how alike we were. You were also a twerp at that event because you kept helping my brothers to steal my shoes and hide them in a tree that I couldn't reach. There was another little boy there today who's name was Brain, but his parents called him Bri Bri. That made me miss you, the you that I remember. The person that was there before college changed you.

Pill

I hope that you too get placed on the pill so you won't have to deal with a period every month.

Busy

I'm sorry hun, I was unable to hang out with you today. It got so busy, and by the end of the day I just wanted quiet time to read my book. I hate backing out on promises, or commitments, but I needed to do so.

Mizu

My dad wants me to pick that restaurant for my birthday dinner but I'm not sure I can do that. I know that it sounds fantastic and that you think it's absolutely fabulous, but it's because of you I can't choose it. It is your favorite restaurant. If I went there for my birthday it would be a night full of sad memories instead of a celebration.

Name

I see your name and it makes me smile.

Winnie the Pooh

Once again I'm copying you, but I love this too much not to. This absolutely represents what I think about every single person on this planet.

If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever.

I love you all.

Dreams

I wish you would stay away from my dreams. I can forget about you during the day most of the time recently, but now I've discovered that, if I remember my dreams, you're normally in them. Not all of them are happy dreams either... As a matter of fact, most of them are terrible.

Swing

I want you to be here and I want my porch swing to be clean. I want to swing upside down and look at the stars on a clear summer night. Wouldn't that be fun to do again, or even for the rest of you to do for the first time?

Babies

They are EVERYWHERE!!! I can't seem to get away from them. Every story I read, ever restaurant I go into, and every store I shop at. Why do I want babies so bad? I'm a college student, I'm not supposed to want babies yet! You, missy, are missing out on all the baby watching going on around here. Also, btw, I still don't think it's right for you to blatantly stare at babies -- that's just creepy.

Also, I'm very tempted to follow in your footsteps other missy and start taking surreptitious pictures of the various cute children I see around me.

Cancer Cure

You are ridiculous! Just because it worked in one case 4 years ago, does not mean that it was ready to produce 4 years ago. They needed to test the cure on various other people of different ages, ethnicity, body weight, gender, and tons of other factors. Plus they needed to monitor the first successful person to be cured to be sure that in the long term it was in fact a cure! Silly boy, you are arguing a pointless argument.

Road Well Traveled

Every time I head to my friends house I accidentally pass her road because I have it drilled into me to head to your house. That road is so familiar to me, ever dip, huge hole, and turns are memorized. I hope I get to drive it again this summer when you are actually home.

Bright Moon

Tonight the sky was so clear and bright. I just thought of you and how much you would have loved it. I'm betting you're asleep right now though. I hope you had a good 21st birthday.

I also remember the night I spent with you sitting in the park looking at the stars. That was several years ago, but we had fun. I wish we could return to that park and star gaze once again. I believe that was one of our first sleep overs together. Your lap was particularly nice to rest my head in, lol.

Green Truck

I see green trucks everywhere and I can't help but search for the large dent in the side of them. I know that only one truck could have such a dent as that. I know you aren't here, but I search for it anyway.

DDR

Oh I wish all of you were here. I want to play DDR with some friends. I want to work out the fun way, and it is so entertaining to watch everyone else play.

Legend of the Seeker

Ok, you got me. I finally bought the books. And yes, I know that they are not called "The Legend of the Seeker" but right now I'm just too lazy to look up the proper title. I know a lot of you will enjoy the fact that I'm reading them. I just feel so out of the loop sometimes. Tee hee

Running

I absolutely love to run. Sure, it takes a lot of effort to get motivated to actually start to run, but once I do it I absolutely love it. I may not be as fast as you, but maybe one day I will be. I also am pleased that I don't get cranky like you do, but I hope one day you enjoy it like I do. And as for YOU I want to run with you and show you how much fun it can be; we shall lose weight together.

Breadsticks

I was at Olive Garden today and I remembered all those times I would go with you. One particular memory was when you had just picked me up from an orthodontist appointment and took me out to lunch before bringing me back to my mom's. That day I think I ate 14 breadsticks (regretted it very much later when I was kneeling over the toilet) and then the waitress sent me home with more. I love all the memories I have shared with you. I only wish you were still around to share some more. I miss you greatly.

Talk Nerdy To Me

I got a shirt that had "Talk Nerdy To Me" written on it and I immediately thought of you. I hope that I can wear this around you someday. Perhaps the day that I actually get to meet you in person? I think you'd find it funny.

Invader

I woke up thinking about you. You are almost always on my mind and you just don't want to leave. I need you to leave. I need you to let me be. The sad part is, I don't think that's within your power. If you tried to do it, it would probably hurt more than anything else. I just miss you.

A friend mentioned she wanted me to go with her to WSU today, and I immediately got excited because I thought I could see you. Then I remembered that it was my request we didn't have any contact. I really hate this.

Memories of Rain

I chose the new background because I love the feeling it gives me. Some of these moments of remembrance are going to be sad because I have lost lots of love in the past. But there are a few memories of rain that make me happy. Like the time you jumped into puddles with me, or the time that all of you called me ridiculous for doing so. I love the rain, and I think it gives the perfect feeling for this blog.

Giggles

You make me giggle. When I'm in a playful mood you go with it and just have fun. When I'm sad you understand. I am very glad I met you, you're an incredible person. I even laugh at the fact that you pimped out your friend. :)

Indeed

Every time I hear this word I think of you and you. You two made my school year so enjoyable, I'm so glad that I met you two. I'm sad that I will no longer be your roommate, but I'm sure we shall still have fun adventures together.

Frosting

I saw your post about frosting and I just couldn't help myself. I want more frosting, thankfully I have none in my house. I want to lose weight so bad and having frosting in my house would indeed be bad for that.

Farm House

I met someone else that belonged to Farm House today. He was rather interesting, somehow, I get the feeling that if you stay there longer you'll end up like him. I really hope that college doesn't ruin you. He was betrayed by Farm House though, so I hope you too don't get into trouble.

Because of You

It is because of you that I've started this blog. I hope you enjoy it. I think I too will find solstice in this.